


Letters Like This

by pretive



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Dan - Freeform, Dan Howell - Freeform, F/M, Implied Death, Love, No Gore, Phan - Freeform, Phandom - Freeform, Phanfiction, Phil - Freeform, Phil Lester - Freeform, Sad, Suicide, Unrequited Love, howell - Freeform, implied suicide, lester - Freeform, suicide note, tw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-02
Updated: 2016-07-02
Packaged: 2018-07-19 13:46:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7363771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pretive/pseuds/pretive
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I know that letters like this are supposed to go to family, or buried with me, but I feel like you need an explanation. Besides, you are my family, more or less.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Letters Like This

Phil,

I won't say dear, because that wasn't you. You weren't just dear to me; you were you, and that's all I could ask for. I know that letters like this are supposed to go to family, or buried with me, but I feel like you need an explanation. Besides, you are my family, more or less.

In the beginning of sixth form, you tried so hard to get me to open up and I treated you like shit for a whole six months. I constantly told you off, lied and yelled at you, but you smiled and continued to let the light shine through the broken pieces of me. After that, I began to quiet down completely, as I was terrified of you. I was terrified because you'd actually made my life better, not worse, and those kind of things just don't happen to people like me. I fell in love with you.

But I was just too late. You've found somebody else, and I've found my path to nowhere. I remember when I found out. I was bringing you a little gift and my heart in my hands to say I was sorry, and you brought her along. You were positively radiant, Phil. You're so beautiful like that, and I hope she doesn't take you for granted like I had. I wish I could go back and restart, fix everything I said and did to make you think I didn't like you. You were the only thing keeping me alive, and whilst I kept you around, I didn't want you close in case I would happen to quit. You didn't deserve the pain of losing someone like I had.

I know you don't want to hear it Phil, but some people are just meant to die. I've had people telling me this for years, and I'm finally understanding their motives. I made people's lives harder. I was a nuisance. You just happened to be so pure that all of my darkness was demolished when it hit you. You called me your friend, Phil, and I've never had one of those. I've also never had anybody to love either. I've never had anybody love me. I guess I'll find out tonight whether or not Heaven or Hell loves me more. 

Don't let me deter you from spreading your light and making people's worlds better. I was at rock bottom, and you brought me up a little bit. I fell in love, and that was my own fault, not yours. I hope your life is far more fantastic than you used to describe your future, and hopefully it'll be brighter without my dark patch in it. 

With Love,   
Dan


End file.
